A Door Once Opened
by WitchFire Hazel
Summary: River opened the door. It's now up to Jayne to step through or close the door forever.


**alright my awesome readers, this story is most likely going to be a two or three parter. as always: I do not own any characters or settings (or anything really) of Firefly. They are the sole property of joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Also there is a small reference to True Blood in here, but you'll have to be extra diligent if you are to catch it. **

River Tam was still out there, still a bit wonky in the head, but she just wasn't the fragile crazy girl she used to be. Miranda seemed to destroy that part of her, at least the fragile part. Maybe a bit of the crazy, too. The River living aboard Serenity now was a much more dangerous creature. She was lucid, sometimes far too lucid. Her access to their minds so deep that at times she would answer questions before they could think of them. And the energy that possessed her was phenomenal.

There were days when she couldn't sit still, she had to be doing something. She was on the bridge, plotting courses and checking instrumentation; she was in the engine room, helping- and often times hindering- Kaylee with maintenance and upkeep; reorganizing the supplies in the infirmary much to Simon's displeasure.

She wouldn't sleep for days, the need to so things growing as the days passed. She had even taken up weight lifting with Jayne, hoping the exercise and Jayne's quite mind would help. It did help a bit, but not enough. She couldn't even dance during these episodes, her body was too full of anxiety. The longer it went on, the more it felt like insects crawling under her skin, trying to claw their way out.

And there was nothing they could do. These episodes would last anywhere from a dew hours to several day. She would try to stay out of everyone's way, but Serenity just wasn't big enough to do so. River had taken to roaming the ship when everyone else was asleep when the ship was relatively empty.

It was on one of those nights that Jayne was awoken by the sound of what he could have sworn was running. He quickly pulled a shirt on and climbed out of his bunk, sure there was some big emergency happening. It was then that River rocketed passed. She turned toward the stairwell that led to the cargo bay and disappeared out of sight. He followed, wondering what in the hell she was up to. By the time he reached the top of the catwalk, she was at the bottom. He watched as she did a lap, then two, around the cargo bay before she hurtled through the doors to the passenger dorms.

He made his way to the bottom, figuring she'd make her way back there. And sure enough, not two minutes later, she came rushing back into the upper level of the cargo bay. She didn't even slow down as she sped down the steps. As she reached the bottom, her foot slipped and she went flying.

Jayne caught her before she could hit the floor and she just went limp in his arms, utterly spent. Her lungs heaved and her legs were shaking as he set her in the bottom steps, holding onto her shoulders when it looked like she would slump down. He noticed her knees and shins were bruised and bloody, telling him that this wasn't her first fall. For some reason that made him angry.

"What the hell are you doing?" He asked, a bite to his voice.

"Running, obviously." She huffed, still out of breath. "Why are you angry?"

"Yesu shanque he meiguo de shen! You know damn well why I'm angry. You're a shadow in my own gorram mind!" He yelled, suddenly letting go of her shoulders. She swayed at the sudden lack of support and would have fallen if she didn't make a grab for the rail. It was then that she noticed the itchy-crawly feeling had subsided. It wasn't gone, but it had lessened enough for her to cope with. She smiled, ecstatic that she finally found a way to release all that pent up energy. Unfortunately, Jayne was unaware of this revelation, and he thought she was laughing at him. "You think this is funny?!"

"What?" She asked, confused at his anger. She hadn't done anything to him, had she?

"You think doing that to yourself is funny? Have you even looked at your legs?" He growled, his fury causing him to whisper as he pointed at her legs.

She looked at them, then at Jayne, then back to her bloodied legs. "Oh." She blinked, then smiled again, causing Jayne to growl in frustration. "Jayne, I didn't know you cared so much."

That sidelined him. She felt his anger dissolve and confusion take it's place. She stood up, and quickly grabbed Jayne's arm to steady her wobbly legs. She felt his confusion grow as he took in the slender hand on his forearm. Her smile widened and she went to take a step toward the infirmary, but her leg gave out. Jayne quickly snaked an arm around her waist to keep her from hitting the floor.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked, sitting her back on the steps.

"The infirmary to clean up my legs since they offend you so." She huffed, aggravation tinting her voice. She tried standing again but Jayne's growl gave her pause. She watched as he stomped off to the infirmary, grabbed antiseptic and gauze, and stomped back. He knelt at her feet, and River couldn't help but feel like some sort of queen. That feeling quickly changed when he poured the antiseptic over her wounds then pressed the gauze over the bloody patches. She let out a hiss as the offending liquid cleaned out her wounds. Gritting her teeth, she watched him repeat the process with the other leg.

When he finally finished she sighed in relief. "Better?" He asked, mock innocence in his voice. She laughed, glad his anger was gone.

"Much better. Thank you."

"Yeah.. Well.." He coughed, suddenly uncomfortable at their proximity. Where River had felt like a queen, Jayne now felt like he was at the gallows. "How long had you been doing that for?"

"Awhile." She said, leaning closer to him, enjoying his discomfort. "I'm not quite sure. Once I started, I couldn't stop."

"What possessed that moonbrained mind of yours to start to begin with?"_ And why in ruttin' hell are you leaning closer? _He shifted his position, trying to scoot further from her without appearing to do so. Squirming; she had him squirming as he knelt in front of her. He decided that prolly wasn't the best place to be and moved to sit next to her on the step, putting as much distance as he could between them.

She had a ghost of a smile on her lips as she shamelessly read his thoughts. "It was the only thing I could think to do. Run I mean." She clarified, knowing his mind had trailed down a different line of thought. "I just had to move. And running was the only thing I could do given the amount of space on Serenity. Of course running on stairs isn't easy."

They sat there in silence, Jayne's mind more chaotic then it normally was. Usually River avoided busy minds, but right now it was just what she needed to keep from thinking about the crawling feeling inching it's way up her legs. And listening to his inner voice as he berated himself was always a fun pastime.

When she was sure her legs would hold her she stood, looking down at Jayne as he studiously avoided her gaze. "It doesn't make you weak you know." She said suddenly, picking up on one of his thoughts.

"What?"

"Caring. It doesn't make you any less a man. The people on this ship care about you. Some more than the others." He finally looked up at her and saw something in her eyes he had never seen before. And it scared him like no Reaver ever could. River leaned down and kissed Jayne on the corner of his mouth. He would only have to turn his head a fraction and their lips would have met. But he didn't; he froze, his eyes closing against the urge to do so. River stood straight, sighed and started up the stairs.

Jayne was still sitting in the step when Mal walked through an hour later. He was so deep in thought he didn't hear the captain holler his name. "Jayne! What in the suoyou de ming zí shí shen sheng de are you doing?!"

"Huh?" Jayne stammered, pulling himself outta his thought. "Oh nuttin' Cap'n. Just thinking."

Mal just stared at him, wondering what could weigh so heavily on the mercenary's mind. A soft creak of the catwalks metal above them caught his attention. There in the shadows, barely noticeable, was River. She was sitting with her head on her knees staring intently at Jayne.

Mal made his way up to her, kneeling beside her so he wouldn't have to raise his voice. "What are you doing xiao monu?"

"Sitting." She whispered, her voice barely audible. "It's nice to be able to just sit."

"I meant why are you doing it here?"

"Watching conflicting thought processes as they fight for dominance. Must keep safe distance or they will flee, and that cannot happen! An unbiased conclusion must be made!" She began rocking and Mal noticed she was silently crying. "I have opened the door, but must let the other decide whether or not to close it or step through."

"And that's truly what you want?" Mal asked, peering back down at Jayne. The big man had abandoned his seat and took to pacing, too absorbed in his thoughts to notice them.

"It doesn't matter what I want if the door becomes shut." She said, her eyes following Jayne with uncanny precision. "Yes. Yes I want it very much."

"I can't say I'm too thrilled to hear that." Mal said, standing. "But if anyone can handle Jayne it would be you."

River smiled at that and watched the captain as he headed toward his bunk. He paused outside of Inara's shuttle, shook his head, and continued on, muttering to himself as he climbed the stairs to the forward corridor.

River went back to watching Jayne. He was still pacing, his boots colliding with the grating in a jarring clang. His mind, usually calm and clear, was so muddied with thought River couldn't lock onto a single one. So she retreated just enough to feel his emotions and continued rocking. For the second time in her life she was unsure if she had made the right choice.

**Translations:**

**•Yesu shanque he meiguo de shen- Jesus tits and God America **

**•suoyou de ming zí shí shen sheng de- name of all that is holy**

**•xiao monu- little witch**


End file.
